Biting the Bullet

Q & A

This blog makes me sooo happy! So glad I found this!

Thank you so much! We’re glad you love it, and apologise for the lack of new content recently. Both of us are living abroad at the moment (Shelby is in Ireland, and Ursula is splitting her time between Denmark and Australia.) and regular blending is a bit difficult, especially with all of these weird outlets. Be prepared for even more Magic Bullet madness upon our return!

2 years ago / asked by andherearemythoughts

Mixed Berry Smoothie

The Bullet not only begins the madness with the astute observation that “this tasty smoothie is JAM-packed (lol) with fresh berry flavor,” but also goes so far as to claim that “this is one your kids will love.” Shame, really. Yet again the Bullet mocks our “mature” pastime and noticeable lack of children. Indeed, any good housewife would wield a Bullet. Onward!

Ingredients

  • Handful of fresh or frozen mixed berries (we used frozen)
  • 1 banana?!
  • 1 cup ice
  • Splash of orange juice

We commenced with the slicing of the banana, prior to adding all ingredients to the Tall Cup.

There is in fact no ice or orange juice pictured, ignore. 

(No ice or orange juice pictured. In case you thought it might be invisible, it’s not.)

Once everything was added, we proceeded to blend said ingredients together.

 

NOTE: The Bullet is a tad less fresh from the womb than it would like us to think. Sad times. Don’t be fooled by the ratio of solids to liquid in the recipe. We recommend reversing this ratio and turning that splash of OJ into a tsunami. (Too soon?)

Our practice child seemed to enjoy it …see the joy!

THE VERDICT

 

…you only wish we were your parents.

3 years ago / 1 note /

Cherry Cheesecake

And to end our feast, we selected the “delicious” Cherry Cheesecake, which is exactly like the 3 other cheesecake recipes in the Magic Bullet 10 Second Recipes Cookbook, only with a can of cherries soaked in equal parts high fructose corn syrup and Red Dye #40 (the best artificial food colouring, in our opinion) on top. Needless to say we could not wait to wash down a head of garlic with “the fluffiest, creamiest cheesecake to ever touch a fork!”

IT’S SO FLUFFY.

Ingredients:

  • 8 ounces package cream cheese
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1 graham cracker crust
  • "Totally Easy Cherry Topping"

First, we preheated our oven to 350º (Fahrenheit). Easy enough.

   

Next, we added all the ingredients (except the crust lol) to the Tall Cup and mixed until smooth. (It actually had that paraphrased parenthetical phrase written out in the recipe. Just in case someone thought that crust went INSIDE cheesecake. JUST SO YOU KNOW IT DOESN’T OKAY.)

See? No crust.

    

Then, we poured the liquid into the graham cracker crust and baked it for 20-25 minutes until set. Since our oven is finicky we erred on the longer side. And by “the longer side” we mean an hour.

    

After it was done baking (or so we thought), we cooled it in the refrigerator for a while.  They say to do this for at least an hour. Honestly. After a good ten minutes, we added the cherry topping on top of it. “Totally delicious and virtually effortless.”

Well, “totally delicious” is a bit generous. This was certainly cheesecake-like, but also unlike any cheesecake we have ever had. The consistency is best described as somewhere between foam and a sponge.

THE VERDICT

   

   

   

   

3 years ago / 1 note /

Badda-Bing Badda-Boom Garlic Bread

Part II of our delectable and most final of suppers consisted of Badda-Bing Badda-Boom Garlic Bread. (With a name like that it’s gotta be good.) The Bullet graciously warned us that it would be “…a real treat for the taste buds!” 

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup butter or margarine
  • 2-3 garlic cloves
  • 1 oz. Parmesan cheese
  • loaf of Italian (or French) bread

To begin, we added the butter and cheese to the Short Cup, screwing on the Shaker/Steamer Top and microwaving it until the butter melted. Whereupon the Bullet instructed us to “add [the] garlic and twist on [the] Cross Blade.” This we most certainly did not do. How dumb do they think we are? Particularly considering our prior experience with the Bullet’s miraculous chopping capabilities! WHOLE CLOVES OF GARLIC. HONESTLY.

No, indeed, after much scoffing we proceeded to chop our garlic up like normal people and then add it to the buttery mess in the Short Cup.

 

We then screwed the Cross Blade on and blended the mixture until “smooth.” This was all rather a hopeless case, but nonetheless, we did our best given the limits of the Bullet.

From here, we followed directions and “spread [the butter stuff] down the middle of [our] loaf of […] bread,” after having “cut it down the center, lengthwise.”

Unfortunately, the only guidance the Bullet offers from here in terms of what to do with your now quite sodden and butter soaked loaf of bread is to “toast open-faced until warm.” We would like to suggest, however, that you pre-heat your oven to 450 degrees, place your loaf of bread on a cookie sheet, and bake until golden and crispy. 

THE VERDICT

 

Warning: While the Bullet likes to pretend it can massacre garlic, our taste buds would suggest differently.

…Needless to say, we fell asleep quite safe and sound, the usual worries of vampires and other such beasties banished from our minds. Thank you Bullet. For the present moment, however, with stinging eyes and burning noses, we gleefully anticipated the garlic-free cheesecake to come.

The Last Supper

Firstly, we must apologise for being such bad bloggers. It has been like three weeks. This is just unacceptable. In our defense, we did in fact embark on a BULLET FRENZY the Friday before spring break where we made an ENTIRE MEAL using only recipes from the Magic Bullet 10 Second Recipes Cookbook. Then Shelby went to Iceland, and Ursula did what Ursulas do, and the next thing we knew it was April and the pictures of our endeavor were still on our memory card.

Thank you to those of you who did not forget about us and still yearn to witness what delights the Bullet brings!

For this Italian feast, we made It’s Ready Already Alfredo and Badda Bing Badda Boom Garlic Bread with a delectable Cherry Cheesecake for dessert. It was as grand as it sounds. CARBS.

The Last Supper kicked off with a hearty dish o’ pasta. And the gods were most pleased.

Ingredients:

  • 1/4 cup of heavy cream
  • 2 tablespoons of butter
  • 1-2 cloves of garlic
  • 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
  • 3 sprigs of fresh parsley
  • Salt and pepper to taste

To being, we measured out all of the ingredients into the Tall Cup. And despite partially chopping the garlic beforehand, even though the Bullet doesn’t say to, we still ended up with a rather serious case of garlic roulette. Beware.

   

Then, we blended it all up “until smooth.” 

We then unscrewed the Cross Blade and screwed on the Shaker/Steamer Top, microwaving for 2 minutes in order to create the illusion of having cooked our sauce. 

  

   

THE VERDICT

   

…parts II and III of the “Last Supper” trilogy to come soon, quite soon. We promise!

Suddenly Stuffed Mushrooms

It was a rocky start to an already hazardous week, seeing as the Bullet bloggers were up to their ears in midterm exams, and Spring Break seemed nothing more than a twinkle in their eyes. The term “rocky” aptly underscores the trials of the darker haired blogger, whose unparalleled fear of mushrooms has heretofore failed to be fully disclosed. (MUSHROOMS ARE FUNGUS. SIMPLY SPONGY SACKS OF SPORES. THIS IS THE WORST.)*

*mushrooms are also made up of atoms …and so are you

Naturally, the largest mushrooms possible were selected from our local grocer for this recipe. So large, in fact, that said blogger was sent whimpering and squirming away to the safety of her Snuggie. Fortunately, her partner in crime was not duped by such paltry attempts at disappearance, despite the very recent addition of the “invisibility cloak” card to her repertoire.

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Don’t be fooled.

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Ingredients

  • 10-12 large mushrooms (we compromised with 2 VERY large ones)
  • 1/4 cup Ricotta cheese
  • 1/2 cup fresh spinach
  • 1 ounce Parmesan cheese
  • 1 clove garlic
  • 1 boiler onion or 1/4 of a regular sized onion (about 1/4 cup)
  • Splash of chicken (or vegetable) broth

Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger…

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To begin, we preheated the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and prepped the ingredients, chopping up the onion and clove of garlic. We then placed the ingredients (save the mushrooms) into the Tall Cup and twisted on the Cross Blade.

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Utilizing the “Pulse” technique, we blended the ingredients until the “consistency [was] slightly textured, but not quite smooth.”

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We then placed the mushrooms (UGH) on a baking sheet and spooned the mixture into their bellies (OH GOD NOW THEY SOUND ALIVE), sprinkling Parmesan cheese on top for good measure and baked them in the oven for 20 minutes. 

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After 20 minutes, we removed the plush, aromatic shrooms from the oven, ready to eat! Well, I can only speak for one of us. The mushroom fearer, however, was still busy gathering up the guts to digest the Bullet’s offering from the depths of her Snuggie LIKE ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD.

Note: When all else fails, plugging one’s nose never does… 

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…sort of. (IT DOES NOT BLOCK THE TEXTURE.)

THE VERDICT

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THE WORST THING EVER OH MY GOD SO GROSS SO GROSS.

…lies ;)

Six-Second Strawberry Milkshake

O milkshakes, sweet nectar of the gods! Ambrosia in a glass! For this variation, one follows the basic Six-Second Milkshake recipe and adds “a handful of fresh or frozen strawberries” to the mix. Sounds simple enough.

At this point in our Bullet blogging careers, we have concluded that any amount of time included in the title of a recipe does not reflect the actual preparation time.  Instead, it is purely an alliterative ploy put in place by the publisher (see what we did there?) to reinforce the Bullet’s speed and efficiency. Thus the Six-Second Milkshake did not take six seconds.


(Lucerne is not paying us to promote them. But should be.)

Six-Second Strawberry Milkshake
serves one

  • Splash of milk
  • 1.5 cups vanilla ice cream
  • Chocolate syrup?!
  • Handful of fresh or frozen strawberries

One thing we do not understand about the Magic Bullet 10 Second Recipes Cookbook is its tendency to add chocolate syrup to everything. EVERYTHING! If a recipe should be remotely sweet, it requires chocolate syrup. This is quite infuriating to one of us (namely the person writing this very post) because I DON’T EVEN LIKE CHOCOLATE AND HAVE NO IDEA WHY EVERYONE ELSE LOVES IT AND WHY THEY HAVE TO ADD IT TO EVERY BLEEDING THING IN THIS GODFORSAKEN COOKBOOK I MEAN HONESTLY CHOCOLATE SYRUP ISN’T EVEN REAL CHOCOLATE IT IS JUST BROWN CORN SYRUP AND WHAT IS SO WRONG ABOUT EATING FRUIT WITHOUT CHOCOLATE?!

Anyway.  All the Cookbook instructed us to do was was add all of the ingredients “in the order they appear” to the Tall Cup (or Party Mug). So we did.

   

   

Then, we simply mixed until smooth. The Bullet seemed to have some trouble reaching a proper milkshake consistency, so we recommend adding extra milk.  And for those of you who “like to drink your milkshake with a straw,” add even more milk to thin it out!

   

It is worth mentioning that the recipe stresses that one should SERVE THIS IMMEDIATELY, which foiled our plans to make a few extra shakes and keep them on the counter until the next morning. Curses!

THE VERDICTS

   

   

Im”meat”iate Spaghetti Sauce

Well, we’re a bit ashamed to confess the biggest lie of the week is on us and not the bullet. We just couldn’t bring ourselves to make this a carnivorous (omnivorous…) pasta sauce. Yes, we regret to say that we are the ones taking the “meat” our of Im”meat”iate. Shocking, we know, considering the tenacity of our stomachs in digesting Leftover Special, an effort likened to that of King Leonidas and his band of 300 Spartans in the face of the entire Persian Army and the incorrigible Xerxes at the battle of Thermopylae in 480 BCE, but we digress. Anyways, our stomachs began to turn upon finding the “meat” (conveniently accrued at the SUB) to be akin to cat food… so you’ll have to forgive us.

Ingredients
serves two

  • 1/4 cup chicken broth
  • 10-12 cherry tomatoes or 1 (quartered) regular size tomato (about a cup)
  • 1 boiler onion or 1/4 of a regular sized onion (about 1/4 cup)
  • 2 tablespoons red wine (optional)
  • 2 tablespoons tomato paste
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 2 sprigs basil
  • 1/4 raw hamburger, steak or turkey (see Notes for using cooked meat)*
  • Pinch of Italian seasoning (optional)
  • Salt and pepper to taste

*Yes, see Notes because cooked meat requires special handling. Raw meat? No worries! We now have 0118 999 881 999 119 7253 on speed dial.

First, we were instructed to “add all ingredients in the order they are listed to the Tall Cup.” This we did, with the exception of the meat. Need we even mention that this was after a considerable amount of kitchen preparation of our ingredients, including the cooking of Spaghetti (to put our “Spaghetti Sauce” on), which the Magic Bullet time and time again deems entirely unnecessary.

   

  

Then we twisted the Cross Blade on and applied the “quick Pulse technique.”

  

Upon reaching a “good consistency,” we “twist[ed] off the Cross Blade and twist[ed] on [the] Shaker/Steamer Top” and proceeded to place the cup in the microwave and “cook on high for 8-10 minutes.” We were also instructed to “keep an eye on things.” Naturally this bit of advice was not heeded, as we were busy doing all of the clean-up that the Bullet enjoys pretending doesn’t exist. 

So, with approximately 3:56 left, we looked over to discover this catastrophe in our microwave…

Xerxes gleeful laughter ringing in our ears, we pressed on, undeterred. Completing the “cooking” of our meatless sauce, we proceeded to pour said sauce over beds of pasta and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. We were too fed up (no pun intended) at this point to play along with the Magic Bullet’s game and did not take a “chunk of Parmesan” cheese and “chop” it up in the Short Cup. No, instead we were quite pleased to find pre-“chopped” Parmesan in our fridge. 

So, to wind this long-winded post up, we ate. Yes, we ate, and fed others, and there was much rejoicing!

THE VERDICT

 

We lied.

THE (REAL) VERDICT

 

Cafe Mocha

If there is one thing the Pacific Northwest does right, it’s coffee. If we want “all the comfort of hot chocolate with an espresso kick, rolled into one piping hot cuppa joe,” we will not turn to a grammatically inept kitchen appliance. Thus this ill-fated hand made the coffee snob within each of us weep hot, aromatic tears of woe.

The Cookbook spends nearly a quarter of the page explaining how to properly grind one’s own coffee beans, and then redirects us to further explanation and instruction on page 21.  We do not feel the need to relay these instructions, dear reader, and instead direct you here if you need assistance: http://tinyurl.com/4psfnj2

Ingredients
serves two

  • Milk
  • Fresh hot coffee
  • 3-4 tablespoons chocolate syrup (or cocoa powder)
  • 1-2 teaspoons sugar (optional)

It is worth noting that drip coffee rarely tastes as good as freshly pulled espresso shots. We wanted to use our espresso machine, but could not stray from this recipe. So we settled for drip coffee poured into microwaved milk. The things we do.

After brewing a pot, we filled a quarter of the Tall Cup with milk and blended it with the Cross Blade in order to make it frothy.

   

Next, we microwaved the milk for 45 seconds. Now, the instructions do not directly instruct us to cover the milk, yet the next step requires “open[ing] the cup.”  How might one perform this action if one had not already closed it, you muse? Well, we assume they meant to tell us to put the Shaker/Steamer cover on. So we did.

Once the milk was properly foamed, we added the chocolate syrup and filled the rest of the cup with coffee. We did not include the optional sugar since chocolate syrup is… sugar…

   

   

After pulsing a few more times, we poured the liquid into cups. And then drank out of said cups. The experience was adequate.

THE VERDICT

   

Seven-Second* Salsa

*Lies.

We would like to start off by saying that we were impressed to see a whole paragraph on trouble-shooting (a concept previously overlooked). How novel! Our hopes, however, were promptly dashed by the trouble-being-shot being the possibility of our salsa getting “a little foamy.” Thankfully, the Cookbook had the good sense to remind its readers not to panic, for “the foam is actually tiny air bubbles that go away after a few minutes.” TINY AIR BUBBLES WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN.

Note: Should you face the unfortunate scenario in which foam does arise, have no fear, simply “lay a paper towel down on top of the salsa and gently blot…no more foam.”

Ingredients:

  • 1-2 boiler onions or 1/4 of a regular sized onion (about 1/4 cup)
  • 1/6-1/4 of jalapeno pepper
  • 8-10 cherry tomatoes or 1 regular size tomato (about 1/2 cup)
  • 1-2 cloves garlic
  • Small sprigs of cilantro (optional)
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Ahhh! We forgot, this recipe is also the first in which the Magic Bullet concedes the necessity of some kitchen prep, ceding that one “may have to cut the tomatoes a bit, depending on the size.” Let’s just say the Bullet’s acknowledgment of our kitchen toils was deeply appreciated.

Thus, we began by chopping up the tomatoes, onion, and garlic.

   

We then placed said ingredients “in the order they are listed” into the Tall Cup.

   

Next, we twisted on the Cross Blade and utilised the oft referenced Pulse technique.

   

It is worth noting that there was very little foam.

THE VERDICT

 

 
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